SINGAPORE: A man earning more than S$200,000 a year recently went online to share his frustrations about footing the bill on first dates, saying he refuses to pay alone if he feels the woman is simply using him for an “atas meal” that costs more than S$50.
Posting on the r/sgdatingscene forum on Thursday (Sept 25), the man recounted how he had invited a woman out for a casual coffee and meal, only for his date to order a “ton of good food” worth S$85.
While he admitted that he generally considers himself “generous”, he confessed he couldn’t shake off the feeling that he was being taken advantage of. This experience, he said, prompted him to set firmer boundaries when it comes to future dates.
According to him, he is perfectly happy to cover the bill on his own as long as the total comes up to around S$50. But once it exceeds that amount, he starts to assess whether the woman genuinely wants to connect with him or if she is simply out to “exploit” him.
He explained that he would willingly pay the entire bill, even if it goes beyond S$50, if his date “puts in effort” to get to know him. This includes engaging in meaningful conversation, asking “deep” questions, showing respect, and giving him “her full attention”.
However, if his date shows what he calls “just friends energy” such as keeping conversations shallow, constantly checking her phone, scrolling through Instagram or TikTok, or displaying indifference or disrespect, then he feels justified in asking to split the bill.
“Some women [just] have this entitled mindset, ‘you ask me out, you pay.’ Well, I’m not some sohai or simp,” he wrote. “I’m not here to be exploited if you’re just showing up for a free atas meal (S$80).”
He added that he would rather spend his money on people who truly matter to him: “I’d rather spend $100 on a bro or sister who’ve helped me in some way to show gratitude, and I’d rather spend $600 opening liqor on a brother’s birthday because he helped me, than spend $600 being a simp while being exploited by women who’ve absolutely no interest in developing a deeper connection.”
The man clarified that money itself is “not an issue”. His concern, he emphasised, lies in not wanting to feel “used or exploited.”
He also asked fellow Redditors for advice on how to request splitting the bill in a respectful and tactful way without coming across as rude.
“Under a hundred is a small price to pay to learn about someone’s unconscious habits.”
His post drew mixed reactions online. While some agreed on the importance of setting personal boundaries, many Singaporean Redditors criticised his outlook, saying it came across as overly transactional and cynical.
Others advised that if he felt this strongly, he should simply invite women to places where he’s comfortable covering the bill.
One wrote, “Woman here. If you want a bill to be split, it’ll probably be good to not go somewhere so expensive on the first date and ask if she has a budget. Personally, I don’t mind splitting and will always offer to, but it irks me if the other guy picks somewhere very expensive and then is not upfront about splitting the bill until it comes.”
Another commented, “I think you should invite people to something you’re comfortable paying for. If that is the coffee range, then suggest getting coffee or maybe ice cream. If they counter-suggest a meal, then just be upfront and say you’re good with that, and are they ok with going Dutch?
Meanwhile, some argued that since the man was the one who extended the invitation, he should be expected to cover the costs.
“You don’t get to decide what scenario you’re gonna get, THEN make your decision whether you want to pay,” one wrote. “If you ask the girl out from a DATING APP, it is a DATE. Unless specified otherwise… If it’s a DATE, the norm is guys pay. Girls usually take 2nd round or the next round or ask to split the bill.”
Another added, “Male here. If I invited someone out, I’m footing the bill. It could be something as simple as a coffee or even an elaborate omakase meal. I’m the one who initiated it, I’m the one who made the plans, I will see it through.”
He also pointed out that what truly matters is how the other person responds after you’ve paid: “Do they thank you? Do they express interest in meeting up a second time? Do they offer something like a dessert or coffee? Under a hundred is a small price to pay to learn about someone’s unconscious habits. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who orders expensive stuff and can’t even be bothered to thank you?”
In other news, a fresh graduate drawing S$5,200 a month took to social media on Monday (Sept 22) to ask if he should stay in his current role or seek something more stimulating.
In an anonymous post on the r/singaporefi subreddit, the local said that the job doesn’t exactly push him to grow or challenge himself.
“My main tasks so far have been doing some ETLs, editing dashboards and some simple automation. There aren’t many significant projects happening, and to be honest, I sometimes feel like I learnt more and did more interesting work during my university internship,” he explained.
