SINGAPORE: A man has turned to Reddit for advice after his girlfriend suggested that they pool all their income into a single joint account.
On Monday (Feb 23), he shared that the topic came up while they were discussing how to manage future household expenses. “She [my girlfriend] says she wants to have a joint account where we deposit all our money into that one account and use it for home loan repayments or other expenses like going out for meals.”
While the man stressed that he is not opposed to having a joint account, he said he is uncomfortable with the idea of combining their finances completely. He earns about twice as much as his girlfriend and believes that both of them should still maintain their own individual accounts alongside a shared one.
“Having your own individual account and watching it grow when you save is satisfying and kind of gives me motivation for working so hard,” he wrote.
“I can have guilt-free spending without having to ask my girlfriend. What I mean by that is, for example, I feel like having a bowl of salad today instead of caifan or grabbing a cup of matcha or coffee instead of grabbing a drink from the office. Of course, barring those big purchases, where it is still out of respect to ask your partner for their opinion.”
Beyond personal spending, he admitted he has deeper concerns. He shared that his girlfriend sometimes travels with friends without him and treats her parents to meals.
“How do I know where to draw the line on this?” he said. “I work for myself, my parents, and her, not for her family (parents or siblings or friends). I feel that this may lead to arguments. Also, as I am an only child, I like to treat my parents to a meal once in a while, but I feel guilty using that account, and I feel like I have to ask for her permission.”
The man also shared that his parents have long maintained separate individual accounts alongside a joint account for shared expenses, and that arrangement has worked well for them.
In contrast, his girlfriend grew up in a household where her parents combined all their income into a single joint account. She believes that system works. However, the man said he has witnessed disagreements between his future in-laws over money, particularly when one side wanted to use funds for their own parents’ medical bills.
“All her friends also combine salary,” he added. “She does not feel like I want to take care of her and cannot rely on me. She also feels like she can never stop working because the day she stops working is the day she runs out of cash for her own personal use.”
Although he wants to reassure his girlfriend, he worries that fully combining their income could create bigger problems in the future.
“I am not saying I don’t want to take care of her, but I believe it is important to not commingle all our finances, as it may lead to very bad arguments down the road, especially if the use case for the finances is not for ourselves,” he said.
He ended his post by asking fellow users for their thoughts. “What do you guys think? I want to concede to her on this because it hurts me when she says she feels like she can never rely on me fully and that she can’t quit when she wants to (as entitled as it sounds), but I promised to take care of her.”
“I would love to have POV from both sides so that I can be fair to my partner about this issue!”
“If she truly loves you, why is she so fixated on your money?”
In the comments, many users agreed with the man’s stance, stating that couples should refrain from merging their finances.
One said, “As a female in her 30s who’s married with a kid, my number 1 advice is never ever combine your money with your partner. You’d be surprised how finance is actually a major point of argument in most marriages.”
Another suggested, “Most people I know will have their own account and a joint and do a monthly contribution to the joint. If your take-home is S$6k and hers is S$3k, then maybe she puts in S$2k, and you do S$4k or something like that for joint expenses, but you definitely need to iron out what you can spend from that account, though.”
A third bluntly told him, “Major red flag. If she truly loves you, why is she so fixated on your money?”
A fourth added, “What do you mean she feels like she can’t stop working if she doesn’t have access to your money? That’s a red flag for me.”
Still, despite the overwhelming support he received, there were a few who said that having just a joint account works too.
One user shared his own experience, saying, “I actually just have a joint account. We keep each other accountable for the amount of money spent. If she disagrees with something that I want, I will explain why it is useful, and if she still says ‘no,’ then I move on and trust that she knows me too.”
“That will often make me slow down and consider my purchases as well. We keep each other in balance, and that is what it means to be in union, too.”
In other news, an Indonesian Chinese woman took to social media to share that she sometimes regrets getting married and having children because of the way her Singaporean husband treats her.
Posting on the r/Marriage forum, she wrote, “Recently, I’ve been missing my single life. After getting married and having kids, I feel like life is not what I expected it to be. My husband is not cheating or anything, but we keep having disagreements about our children and my parents.”
This article (SG couple clashes after girlfriend suggests merging all income into one account) first appeared on The Independent Singapore News.
