SINGAPORE: A woman recently took to social media to explain why she feels reluctant to date someone who earns less than her, and her perspective has sparked discussion online.
In a post on the r/sgdatingscene forum, the woman, a fresh graduate, explained that she is currently earning quite a high income from her first full-time job, placing her in a different financial position from many others in her age group. With that in mind, she said her views on dating have inevitably been shaped by these circumstances.
She shared that while she “wouldn’t mind dating someone who earns less,” she cannot ignore the concerns that come with it. In particular, she admitted she feels “scared” that if she does, it could turn out that the guy is “just using her for money.”
At the same time, she pointed out that trying to hide her salary may not be a solution either, as it could lead to complications if the truth eventually comes out.
Beyond that, she shared that she would ideally prefer to date someone within a similar income range or tax bracket, as she believes it is simply “more practical.” According to her, this would make it easier to maintain a more balanced financial arrangement in the long run, especially when it comes to bigger commitments such as a home, a car, and raising children.
Unsure whether her stance might come across as insensitive, she turned to others for their opinions.
“Am I just being very tone deaf?” she asked. “What would you do as a woman earning more than most men of a similar age range?”
She added, “I’m also curious about the guys’ POV. Would you date someone who earns more than you? I know for sure I’m willing to spend on my partner, pay for dates, get gifts, etc., if I’m really in love with someone, but the bare minimum is you appreciate me, treat me right.”
“Your focus should be finding a guy that actually loves and cares for you.”
In the thread, several users reassured the woman that she was not being “tone deaf” for feeling this way. They pointed out that her concerns were valid since income gaps can legitimately create problems in relationships.
“You are not wrong in feeling this way, and I personally would recommend you find someone in your tax bracket or higher if you are looking for a serious relationship,” one user said.
“People talk about ‘compromise’ as if it is just a switch they can turn on and both parties will automatically work towards a common goal. It is extremely naive. It is a lot of hard work, a lot of communication, and a lot of sacrifices, and every single one is a test that can potentially break the bond. Unless you want to challenge yourself, I don’t see a reason to do it.
On her question about whether men would date someone who earns more than them, one user responded, “In my opinion as a man, I don’t mind dating women that earn more as long as they can accept me and don’t expect me to go beyond my expense capabilities.”
“What worries me the most in this situation is that the girl will try to force their standard on me, which means they don’t accept me for who I am but try to hide it in hope I can change. Don’t get me wrong, everyone wants to earn more, but sometimes it isn’t that easy.”
Another commented, “I don’t really care how much a girl earns. What matters more to me is whether her personality and looks are my type. Her income levels don’t make her more attractive to me than someone else.”
Meanwhile, a few users encouraged her to look beyond income when choosing a partner.
“Your focus should be finding a guy that actually loves and cares for you as a person rather than looks at you as a sum of parts to judge,” one said.
“All the fears you have wouldn’t exist with the right person, or at least someone willing to name it and work with you. A man who makes less than you, who is well-adjusted and makes you feel loved as a person, wouldn’t be trying to use you for your money or have issues if you make more than them.”
In other news, a Singaporean woman who gave up her career to care for her child took to social media to vent about her husband, who, instead of being supportive, appears to treat her like an emotional punching bag whenever “things don’t go well for him at work or in life.”
In an anonymous post on the SGWhispers Facebook page on Tuesday (Mar 24), she said his bad moods often land squarely on her, and not in a mild way. There have been times when he threw things at her and hurled insults, even going as far as to call her “good for nothing.”
Read more: Singapore mum who quit job for baby says husband calls her ‘good for nothing’, throws things at her
This article (Woman says she worries about dating someone who earns less, asks Singaporeans if she is ‘tone deaf’) first appeared on The Independent Singapore News.
